Life in the fires of hell
Pain as it has never been
Feeling trapped in a shell
Knowing you want to be seen.
This is a poem I wrote in 1998 when I was having a depressive episode, one of many I have had throughout my life. I don’t remember when they started or how many times I have had these feelings. I can barely remember the last time it happened, and have no idea when it will happen again.
Despite what is going on in my life, no matter if it’s a good point of my life or not, depression can strike at any time.
As a result of it being such a taboo subject I find myself coping with it alone just like so many other people who suffer with depression. I learned a long time ago to pretend everything is ok and get on with my day as if nothing is wrong.
Why is depression such a taboo subject?
Wouldn't it be lovely if you could talk about it and give the people who suffer with depression the power to understand it and potentially live with it.
A great book called “Secrets of Bach Flower Remedies” written by Jeremy Harwood which has this to say about the type of depression I have.
If you suffer from the kind of depression that comes on you suddenly,
Descending like a dark cloud hiding all the sunshine that brings joy to life.
If the mood persists, you sink into a state of complete misery,
especially as you cannot identify any reason for your deep unhappiness.
The first thing to understand about Mustard depression is that it has no cause.
More than this,
it can come and go almost as it likes, Lasting for days, weeks and months at a time.
Then it lifts as quickly as it came, only to recur again in an unpredictable cycle.
My depression is a mental illness and has been part of my life since childhood. There are other types of depression too and I plan to do some research into these also as I have found knowledge is power. I have always known it will pass and adding the power of knowing what type of depression it is I can accept it as part of who I am.
On a couple of occasions I took anti-depressants, but I did not get on with them and in 2003 I took an over dose.
This proved to me that antidepressants do not help everyone.
I find massage and reflexology help me get through these episodes as I am getting much needed human contact, also when you are receiving a massage or a reflexology treatment your body releases hormones called dopamine and serotonin which create a natural high.
The biggest benefit of massage and reflexology is that there are no side effects other than feeling relaxed or getting that much needed rest and human contact.
I know how difficult it is to go out when you are depressed. Let alone put yourself into the care of a therapist but if you choose to trust a therapist find one who is fully insured and holds credible qualifications.
A good source to find your nearest therapist is the
Federation of Holistic Therapists http://www.fht.org.uk/findatherapist
Association of Beauty Therapists http://www.abtinsurance.co.uk/nearest.jsp
World Health Heros https://www.worldhealthheroesuk.com/our-health-heroes/